with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
