were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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