i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
