By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
