She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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