if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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