sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
