theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
