It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize