Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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