btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize