Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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