Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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