Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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