When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
