I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
