You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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