Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
