watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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