Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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