best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
