we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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