I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
