whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
