True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Randomize
