I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
