Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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