when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
