you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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