I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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