He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
