Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
