6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up under a house in Key West
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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