wrigley field is MILF paradise
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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