i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
