We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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