What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
