please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
