u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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