i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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