There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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