upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
