Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im holly from the hills drunk
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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