was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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