Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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