So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
