I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
