Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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