I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
