The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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