Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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