I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
