I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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