Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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