K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
