Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
