so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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