So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
