yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
