absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
