I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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