I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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