i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
