I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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