So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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