Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
