I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
