the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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