I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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