I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
